{January 11, 2007}   busy busy busy

so, I’m kinda of two minds about this semester.

On the one hand, I’m rather pissed off about how insanely busy it’s turned out to be. I was expecting a nice relaxed semester, going to school 4 days a week, so that I could focus on mandarin for those 4 days and spend 2 of the other days on programming.

Instead I’ve got mandarin 5 days a week, *plus* a math course, and I haven’t even had time to read webcomics since school started. akregator currently says it’s got 134 unread articles. I don’t think I can catch up with that on the weekend :P programming seems completely out of the question. I’m actually listening to mandarin lessons as I type this; need to do *lots* of studying to make sure I don’t fall behind, ’cause there would be no way of catching up.

I survived two years of heavy course load at BCIT; I didn’t want to ever do it again. yet somehow it seems I’ve got myself into a tough program. doh. and there won’t be any programming courses for ages, because I have credit for most of the lower ones. not only do I feel bad about not working on kopete’s filetransfer stuff, and worry about forgetting a lot of the stuff I learnt, but, well, I feel kinda lost when I’m not programming. it’s been a part of who I am since high school. I’m using kubuntu more than gentoo and have hardly written any code in the last 3 months; I don’t feel like much of a geek :P and I don’t feel like I have much else in the way of practical skills. heck, the soldering iron I bought is still in its packaging (although that’s partially because I wanted to use it on computer stuff and the computer hasn’t been off long enough to do so :) .

strangely enough I don’t mind so much about the death of my social life. I guess I got enough partying in september to last me a while. I see people at school all the time, and I still have some shreds of a life left (going out this weekend, probably won’t go anywhere for a few weeks after that) – and I guess I’ve been feeling rather antisocial lately. the stress of this unexpected busyness has increased that; I’m finding it really hard not to snap at people whenever they try to be helpful.

I think the biggest problem with all this is that it just wasn’t what I planned. I really hate unexpected surprises (unless they’re something nice and harmless like chocolate, of course ;) . Other people are in control of my schedule and that’s really not something I’m comfortable with.

still, there’s part of my mind that’s starting to feel optimistic… a busy schedule gives me less time to worry about silly little things that I shouldn’t worry about in the first place, and I don’t have time to start procrastinating. learning mandarin is certainly interesting, and going to china will certainly be an adventure :) I think I’m starting to regain some of the curiosity that got killed off by grade school; it’s nice to be around people who actually want to learn. It’s still frustrating to not have time for other things I’d hoped to do.. but if I can let them go now, I might even enjoy learning this stuff. Especially with pete – he has so much enthusiasm for learning mandarin, it’s a bit contagious ;) and he’s just generally wonderful.

I know I meant to write more, but I can’t remember what. anyways, need sleep. hopefully after the weekend I might be less stressed out – it’s kinda hard to be in a good mood when a corner of my mind is constantly on the verge of panic :P

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